


There You Are

by mollyinthewater



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Established Relationship, Jericho Crew (Detroit: Become Human) as Family, M/M, Markus (Detroit: Become Human) Needs a Hug, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, and north and simon and josh are the best friends ever, connor is a good boyfriend, markus needs all the hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollyinthewater/pseuds/mollyinthewater
Summary: Markus has been having nightmares ever since he deviated, but in the last month, they've gotten worse. Connor is there for him every time, but he hasn't even told his boyfriend yet about what his nightmares are even about.Well. Markus was going to have to talk to Connor about it sooner or later.And apparently, it was going to be sooner than he thought.
Relationships: Connor/Markus (Detroit: Become Human)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	There You Are

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally meant for rk1k week back in the end of september, but i had started writing it on the sunday of that week and hadn't managed to finish it in time. long story short, i hadn't touched it since then, and i suddenly found the motivation to finish it today. school's been pretty bad, but i'm switching out of the program i'm in and going into a different one next semester, so after december, i'll actually have time to write more stuff again! 
> 
> so yeah, i hope you all enjoy this <3

It was dark.

Drops of rain fell harshly on Markus, his clothes tattered and soaked with water and thirium. He felt his knees dig into the mud beneath him, rubbing against sharp objects that he had to assume were android parts. 

It was difficult for the RK200 to see, but he knew that he was in the junkyard. His memory was hazy and he could barely think straight. 

Why was he here? _Again_?

He looked down at his clothes and recognized the outfit: his tan coat, his dark pants, his black boots. This was what he had worn on the day the revolution had won. The day his people had been liberated. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had seen these clothes.

There were words popping up and blocking Markus’ vision, warning him of his thirium loss and the multiple injuries he had somehow sustained. A few biocomponents were damaged here and there, but one notification stood out among the others.

**[Time Remaining Before Shutdown: 00:05:32]**

_No_. No, no, no, no.

This couldn’t be possible. There was no way that Markus could be here, that he could be dying.

He groaned as he pushed himself off of the ground, standing up and almost immediately losing his balance as he teetered back and forth. He forced himself to breathe in deeply, his stress levels rapidly climbing as he looked around the junkyard.

Everywhere around Markus were androids, their skin deactivated and most of them injured and missing limbs.

All of them shut down.

Markus stumbled forward, looking around with his wide, heterochromatic eyes. 

“No…” he breathed out, turning around and finding more and more dead androids. How could this have happened? The revolution had won, his people were free, he had liberated them, he and—

His friends. Where were they? Simon, North, Josh. Were they all here, too? He had been with them earlier, right? So it would make sense for them to be near him, but why _here_? Out of all places?

Markus’ whole body froze, his simulated breathing pausing.

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh _god_.

A horrible realization dawned on Markus as his eyes jumped back and forth between all the corpses.

The revolution… it hadn’t been successful, had it? That was why all of these androids were here, that was why he had been tossed into the junkyard like a piece of scrap metal. He had failed his people. The androids had lost and were all forced to be shut down.

But… but if he was alive, then maybe others were, too. His friends must be around here somewhere, right? And—

And...

Markus felt tears prick his eyes as his hands trembled.

“Connor!” He yelled out, trying his best to scan every android around him. He walked as fast as he could, searching for his friends, for his boyfriend, his love, his _Connor_.

**[Time Remaining Before Shutdown: 00:03:51]**

Bits and pieces of metal crunched under Markus’ feet as he limped his way through the junkyard. His voice was barely audible thanks to the heavy rain, but he continued yelling out Connor’s name as loud as he could. His mind palace wasn’t working thanks to the injuries he had and there was no way for him to try and call anyone, so he had to do the best he could by simply looking around.

Markus’ chest felt heavy and cold, like something icy was trying to worm its way inside of him, as he thought about the possible fates of his friends. Were they already deactivated, too? Or were they here in the junkyard or a different one, doing the same as Markus and looking for those that they cared about?

And what about Connor? Would he have been shut down like the rest of the androids or had CyberLife spared him in order to use him even more? To turn him back into the machine that Markus _knew_ Connor wasn't and keep him as their puppet?

Markus didn’t know if Connor was here or not, but he had to find the RK800. He just _had to._

**[Time Remaining Before Shutdown: 00:02:46]**

“Shit,” Markus grunted as he looked at the timer and nearly tripped over a lost arm. He was running out of time. He knew that it would be impossible to search the whole junkyard in less than three minutes, but there was no use in giving up just yet. Not when Connor could be around any corner.

“Connor!” Markus yelled again, his movements starting to get more frantic. He spun around in place, looking around himself and scanning almost too fast for his processors to keep up with. He didn’t care if he damaged his CPU, he didn’t care if he caused a short-circuit, all he cared about was—

**[Match]**

**[RK-Series Prototype RK800]**

**[“Connor” Model]**

_Connor._

Markus stood still for a moment as he stared at his love, Connor without his skin and hair along with dirt and thirium smudged on his scratched-up chassis. He lay on the ground on his side near a pile of bodies, facing away from Markus, but the RK200 knew that that was him, even without the scan.

**[Time Remaining Before Shutdown: 00:01:27]**

“Connor,” Markus gasped, running over to the android and dropping to his knees. The RK200 gently yet hurriedly put a hand on Connor’s left shoulder, immediately then putting a hand where his collarbone would have been on the right side of his chest. Markus pulled Connor to the right, causing the detective to lay on his back and face him.

And when Markus looked at his boyfriend’s face, it was as if his thirium pump had stopped beating. He felt the rain continue to pour down on him, but the sound became muted, throbbing in his audio processors. 

Connor’s eyes were open, the chocolate-brown irises that once held so much light and love now had a distant and empty stare within them. His lips were parted ever so slightly and his LED wasn’t blue or yellow or red.

It was _off_.

“No, no, no,” Markus whimpered, the word like a mantra. This couldn’t be happening, Connor couldn’t be dead, he _couldn’t be._

“Connor,” Markus choked out, saline tears running down his face and mixing with the droplets of rain. His hands traced the RK800, slowly dragging down his jawline to his neck then to his chest. The skin on Markus’ hands peeled away, revealing the white plastic as they hovered over where Connor’s thirium pump was within his torso.

There was no beat, no thrumming of the usual drum. Pure silence.

“Connor, please,” Markus sobbed out, digging his arms under Connor’s back and pulling the deactivated android against his chest. “I can’t—I can’t do this without you. _Please_.”

Markus’ breaths came out shaky as he sobbed, gripping on to the offline android as tight as he could. He leaned Connor against him as he brought his right arm away from Connor’s back and instead cupped the right side of the RK800’s face, Markus leaning his forehead against Connor’s.

“Connor, _please_.”

**[Time Remaining Before Shutdown: 00:00:11]**

Markus didn’t care about the timer anymore. He didn’t care about anything else, couldn’t even think about anything else but Connor. Connor who was the light of his life, Connor who never ceased to make Markus feel loved, Connor who was dead in Markus’ arms.

**[Time Remaining Before Shutdown: 00:00:03]**

**[Time Remaining Before Shutdown: 00:00:02]**

**[Time Remaining Before Shutdown: 00:00:01]**

Markus woke up with a jolt, gasping and immediately sitting up. His bare chest heaved with his choked breaths, tears dripping down his chin and onto the white sheets of the bed. As his hands gripped on tightly to the cotton sheets, nearly ripping them, all he could think was _Connor, where is Connor, I need to see him, I need him._

The RK200 looked to the right side of the bed, finding it empty. The sight only caused him to panic more, his stress levels rising quickly, before he noticed a small note near him. Despite his blurry vision, he recognized Connor’s pristine handwriting, and though he couldn’t read it, his sensors did that for him, the text popping up in his vision. 

It was hard for him to focus on the words, but Markus was able to gather up the fact that Connor had left earlier this morning due to some case, which meant that he was fine. Connor was okay, he wasn’t dying in some junkyard, he was safe.

And even though Markus knew that, knew that what he had just experienced was a dream—a horrible, _horrible_ nightmare—it was difficult for him to calm down right away. He closed his eyes and rubbed his face, smearing tears across his freckled cheeks before forcing himself to try and take deep breaths. His stress levels were fairly high, sitting at 71%, and though the self-destruction protocol had long been taken away, it still wasn’t good for them to be in that kind of range.

This had been the third nightmare of this week, Markus mentally noted as he breathed in through his nose and out his mouth. For the past month, they had started becoming more and more frequent, along with realistic. Sure, he had had nightmares before, it wasn’t like they were uncommon or anything, but for some reason they had only been getting _worse_.

Markus would wake up in the middle of the night, screaming and thrashing, with Connor needing to calm him down the best he could. And Markus was so, _so_ grateful for that, grateful for Connor holding him when that happened and whispering to him reassurances of Markus’ safety and his love for the RK200. 

But Markus had yet to tell Connor what he would see that caused him to act like that.

It wasn’t like Markus didn’t trust Connor. He trusted the RK800 with his life, of course he trusted him. But there was something holding the android leader back, making him keep quiet about his nightmares.

Part of it was so he could protect Connor. He would see the most horrible things, things that he didn’t want Connor to have to know. Markus knew that Connor struggled with nightmares, too, sometimes, he didn’t want to burden him any more.

And though Connor seemed to be patient with him, always asking Markus if he wanted to talk and saying that it was okay when Markus said no, the RK200 could tell that Connor never liked that answer. He could tell how much Connor wanted him to be honest about his nightmares, but he couldn’t. Not yet. 

Markus took a few more deep breaths before finally re-opening his eyes and checking what time it was.

**[09:12:43 A.M.]**

**[January 6th, 2039]**

“Shit,” Markus hissed, throwing the bed covers off of his body and hopping out of bed. He had a meeting today with the others that he was _definitely_ going to be late for, even if he were to leave his house right away. Of course not only would he have a nightmare this morning, but his nightmare would cause him to sleep through his internal alarm—however the hell that was even possible.

Part of Markus didn’t even want to go to the meeting at this point. Obviously it was nice for him to see his friends, but that nightmare had already drained him of so much energy. He just wanted to lay back down and wait for Connor to come home or maybe even go and see Connor at the police station so that he would get the reassurance he so desperately needed of Connor being okay.

But he knew that he couldn’t skip out on the meeting or reschedule it because that would be extremely irresponsible of him to do, especially over some stupid nightmare, so he left the room and started getting ready. 

Markus quickly took a shower—though it wasn’t quite necessary for today, it was nice to have the hot water run over his tear-stained face—and put on some decent clothes: a cream sweater with a short v-neck, a dark pair of jeans, a light tan overcoat, and brown leather shoes. 

When he looked in the mirror before leaving, he looked as normal as ever, the strong, stoic, passionate leader of the android kind, but on the inside, he felt small and anxious, his hands shaking ever so slightly. He glanced one last time at the note Connor left him before leaving the house and making his way to New Jericho.

“Took you long enough,” North announced as Markus walked into the room at the top of the building. Though it was meant to be Markus’ office, he had refused to have something so official in his name. It felt wrong after everything that had happened. So, they had turned it into a sort of studio, like the one that Markus still used whenever he visited Carl and Leo. It still had chairs and tables for when they had to discuss important matters, like today, but any more than that would have felt off.

“Right, sorry,” Markus apologized as he closed the door behind him. “I, uh…” He paused as he took off his coat and laid it neatly on the back of a dark leather chair. He felt tempted to come up with an excuse, because telling the truth was definitely out of the question, but he couldn’t think of one. “Sorry I’m late.”

“What? Did your _detective_ keep you up or something?” North joked as Markus walked over to her, Simon and Josh. The three stood around a circular, glass table on the left side of the room, North closest to Markus and Josh and Simon standing at the other side of the table.

“Very mature, North,” Josh commented as he crossed his arms, a small smile appearing on his face that Markus knew he was trying to fight down.

“Hey, I’m just asking a question. What’s wrong with that?” North defended herself, smiling coyly and putting a hand on her hip. Her strawberry blonde hair was down and parted to the right, the morning light coming in from the glass windows and making it shine beautifully. 

There were papers scattered across the table, but as Markus tried to read them, he only felt a weight appear in his chest that was already becoming heavier by the second. His blue and green eyes refused to focus on any of the writing as he brought a hand up to his neck and rubbed the back of it.

“Markus?” Simon asked, causing Markus to look up from the table and make eye contact with the blond android. The PL600 furrowed his eyebrows at the RK200 as he placed his left hand on the table. “Are you alright?”

A beat passed as Markus realized that he had completely ignored North’s comment, not bothering to give any kind of reaction to it. And though it wasn’t uncommon for Markus to be quiet at times, he was usually only silent when he was focusing on something or deep in thought.

Or in this case, apprehension.

“Yes, yes, I’m—I’m fine,” Markus stuttered out, waving a hand. The corners of his lips quirked up, but a full smile refused to make its way onto his face. “Just... tired,” Markus lied, a small laugh that sounded more like a huff of air escaping him.

A mischievous grin grew on North’s face as she lightly shoved against Markus’ arm. “So I _was_ right, huh?” She laughed out.

“Oh, well, uh…” Markus smiled awkwardly, unsure of what to say. It was as if everything was in slow motion for him and he could only intake one piece of information at a time. He couldn’t come up with an excuse in the moment.

“Can we talk about this later?” Josh asked, clearly ready to get on with the meeting. “Or, you know, never again? No offense, Markus.”

“Yeah, I don’t think now’s the best time to be talking about this,” Simon spoke up.

“When we do these meetings, not _everything_ has to be about business,” North said, shrugging.

“Or my _personal_ business, need I remind you,” Markus said, finally beginning to regain his composure. North looked at him and simply rolled her eyes at his comment, still half-smiling. He looked down at the papers and began rummaging through them, still only managing to retain bits and pieces of what they said. “What is this, anyway?”

“Well, if you had been here sooner, maybe you would know,” North retorted, leaning her right hand against the table and sorting through the papers like Markus was. Now it was the RK200’s turn to roll his eyes at her.

“This is all the information we have about the recycling centers from November,” Josh explained, his tone becoming more serious. Markus looked up at him, a puzzled look on his face.

“The recycling centers?” Markus echoed.

“The, uh… the extermination camps,” Simon quietly specified. Markus froze as he looked into Simon’s light green eyes before staring back down at the papers.

Now it was like the words were jumping out at Markus all at the same time, not bothering to ask for entrance and instead shoving their way into his processor. Locations, numbers and names were all popping up in his vision as his hands trembled against the papers.

“It’s about time that we’re able to do something about this,” North said, anger and bitterness not well hidden beneath her tone. Her voice was muffled to Markus as he stared at the papers, memories flooding back. “We shouldn’t have been forced to wait so damn long,” she spat out.

“The humans had their reasons,” Josh countered. “And we needed time that time, too, so that we could get as far as we have with our rights.”

But it wasn’t just memories of that night that Markus was remembering. That night when he and all those other androids made that small barricade around themselves next to one of the camps, where he could hear screams and pleads, even _his name_ at some moments, begging for mercy. Where he knew that innocent androids were being slaughtered for no reason, where they were waiting for him to save them while others got deactivated mere feet away from them.

“The important thing is that we’re addressing it now,” Simon interrupted before North had a chance to continue the possible argument. “And that we’ll be able to help all of those androids and humans who are still looking for the ones they lost that night.”

And it wasn’t just memories of the night when the police had killed Markus after he had attacked Leo. When he had woken up in the junkyard and thought that he had ruined everything, that he was never going to see Carl again, that he was going to die and never be free.

“We’ll be telling them that their loved ones are _dead_ ,” North quickly said as Markus felt his throat begin to tighten. His breathing was stuttering, even though he knew that he didn’t have to breathe, it wasn’t necessary in any way, but it still _hurt_. Simon and Josh froze at North’s statement as she looked down at the papers and put both hands on her hips, a more solemn look coming across her face. “But I… I know that that’ll count for something. I guess.”

It was memories of that nightmare, where Markus was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of his kind, all dead, his friends gone and most likely dead, too, and Markus with only five minutes to live.

“They’ll be getting peace,” Josh said gently. “That’s more than nothing at least.”

Memories of Connor dead in Markus’ arms, having been decomissioned by CyberLife, most likely going to be replaced by a newer version, like he was just some _weapon_ . Connor gone, Simon gone, North gone, Josh gone, everyone, all the androids gone, _dead_ because of Markus. Because Markus had failed them as their leader, as their guide, as their supposed savior. It was his fault, all his fault.

“And you’re sure that there’s nothing we can do?” North asked, her voice quiet but as passionate as ever, though to Markus, it sounded like she was getting farther away, even though he knew he wasn’t moving. He was sitting still, holding on to Connor, Connor who was dead, the rain unforgivingly pouring down on both of them. “No punishment or anything for the humans who did this?” 

“The most we can do now is condemn their actions,” Josh answered as warnings began to pop up in front of Markus, warning him of his rising stress levels. It didn’t matter though, nothing else mattered because Connor was gone, he was deactivated and there was nothing that Markus could do to change that. He had failed and his love was dead because of him. 

Josh said something else but Markus didn’t hear him. He was fading, drowning in his sorrow and guilt over Connor, over what he had done, over what he hadn’t done, and now there was no hope for his kind because he had failed, he had led them not to their freedom, but to their death.

Markus felt a hand touch his shoulder and he reeled back, taking a few steps backwards as his chest heaved. And suddenly, he wasn’t in the junkyard anymore. He didn’t know where he was, he couldn’t focus and his sensors weren’t working, he just knew that Connor wasn’t there and he needed him. Markus _needed Connor, where was he,_ _where was Connor._

“Connor, where—I need—where—Connor, _Connor—_ ” Words spilled out of Markus’ mouth without him even realizing it as he tried to blink away the tears that were filling up his eyes. His face was wet and his clothes felt tight, but what did it matter, _nothing_ mattered but _Connor_.

“—kus, hey, hey,” the RK200 heard a soft voice say as he brought his hands up to the sides of his head and closed his eyes, his breaths short and fast. He knew that shouldn’t have closed his eyes, but he couldn’t focus, he couldn’t think straight, everything was too much and he felt _weak_. “Markus, can you hear me?”

A sob fell from Markus’ lips as he nodded, his legs feeling like they were about to collapse any second. He couldn’t recognize the voice but he knew it wasn’t Connor, and if that wasn’t Connor, then where was he, where was _Connor._

“Connor—I-I need—I need him,” Markus choked out, his voice shaky and on the verge of becoming bursts of static. 

“—ur boyfriend is having a fucking panic attack and he _needs_ you, Connor, _right now_ ,” another voice said, another voice that wasn’t Connor, but Markus heard Connor’s name and that meant something, right?

“I know, I know, he’s on his way, okay?” The first voice told Markus, his voice soft. “He’s gonna be here soon, alright? He’s okay, Markus, everything’s okay, you’re safe, I promise.”

Markus wanted to believe that, he wanted to believe that so bad but he couldn’t, not until he saw Connor safe and sound, not until he got to hold the RK800 and feel and hear his thirium pump beating.

“He needs to sit down,” a third voice said somewhere to the right of Markus. “Markus, is it okay if I touch you?”

“I-I don’t—” Markus stuttered out, still refusing to open his eyes. 

“I’m just gonna touch your arm and lead you to a chair. Is that okay?” The same voice asked, their voice full of concern. Markus hesitated for a moment, trying to get his thoughts straight. He knew that he needed to sit down, his knees were going to give out any minute, but his thoughts kept drifting back to Connor. 

“C-Connor—”

“He’s gonna be here soon, Markus,” the second voice told him. “C’mon, you need to sit down, it’s gonna be okay.”

Another sob left Markus as he forced himself to nod, knowing that he didn’t have the strength to open his eyes and find somewhere to sit. A hand gingerly grabbed on to the upper part of his left arm in response. He flinched slightly but allowed himself to be guided as the hand softly tugged him to the left. 

Markus took three steps in the direction that he was being led before his knee made contact with something. The hand guided him to turn around before gently pushing down, Markus sitting down in a large, smooth chair. He brought his hands over his eyes, resting his elbows on his knees as tears dripped on to his palms.

“Markus, you need to calm down, alright? Everything is okay, I swear. You need to breathe, can you do that for me?” One of the voices asked, the hand keeping a loose grip on Markus’ arm. The RK200 knew the voice was right, that he was hyperventilating and barely breathing at all, but how could he possibly calm down when he didn’t have Connor right this very second?

“I can’t,” Markus whimpered, his whole body shaking at this point. His stress levels were spiking, reaching 87%, and it felt like there was nothing he could do about it, nothing he could do about anything that was happening. 

“Yes, you can, I know you can,” the voice—Simon, it was Simon, Markus knew that—said. “Here, breathe like me, okay? In through your nose, out through your mouth. Just try, alright? Everything’s okay, just try and breathe.”

He couldn’t, though, Markus couldn’t try to breathe because it felt like he was drowning, like there was a hand squeezing his neck and restricting him from trying to do more than sob and hiccup.

“How far away is Connor?” The third voice—Josh, Markus thought—asked, his voice laced with worry.

“I don’t know, I think he should be here any—”

“Markus!”

That voice Markus didn’t have to think about. He knew who it was, that strong, intelligent voice that was emotional and powerful when needed. The voice that would fill his ears throughout the day, from the moment they woke up together to until they both fell asleep. The voice that had struck a chord within him the first time he had heard it, letting Markus know that this person was different, that he was special and needed his help and that Markus needed him, too.

 _Connor_.

Footsteps quickly made their way to Markus until they stopped right next to him, a familiar hand placing itself on his right shoulder, and though he hadn’t been expecting the touch, he didn’t even flinch because his body just _knew_ that he was safe.

“Markus…” Connor whispered out as he placed his right hand on the right side of Markus’ neck. “What happened?” Connor loudly asked, probably to the other leaders still in the room.

There were other voices talking but Markus didn’t understand them. All he could think about was Connor, Connor was here, he was right here, and yet he still couldn’t bring himself to uncover his eyes and look for himself. He didn’t know why, but a part of him was scared, so, so scared that he would look and see himself in the junkyard still, holding on to Connor’s dead body and about to shut down any second.

Maybe it was because he was too consumed by his thoughts, but suddenly, Markus realized that the voices were gone and that the room had grown silent. There were still hands on him, though, those _soft, gentle, strong_ hands that belonged to his love.

“Markus,” Connor quietly said, moving his right hand to loosely hold on to Markus’ left wrist. “Can you open your eyes?”

“I—” Markus wanted to say more, but another sob cut him off, his thirium pump beating erratically. 

“I know,” Connor gently said, his voice hushed and fairly nervous. “But I’m right here, okay? I’m right here. I need you to look at me, love.”

Markus hiccuped at the nickname as Connor grabbed on to his other wrist, barely tugging as an invitation. The RK200 hesitated for a moment, which he knew was stupid because everything was fine and Connor was _right there_ , before slowly pulling down his hands and uncovering his face. 

And there he was, with his dark brown, wavy hair, his concern and love-filled brown eyes, his spinning LED a sunshine yellow, his cute little, scattered moles, his soft and delicate lips, and in one of his usual outfits: a cream colored button-down with his black tie and black pants, along with his dark shoes that Markus disliked but still found them nice because of the person who wore them.

There he was: _Connor_.

“There you are,” Connor breathed out, his bright eyes on the verge of tears. He smiled kindly, his handsome dimples being shown off as he cupped Markus’ face with both of his hands. His thumbs gently brushed against Markus’ cheeks, wiping away his tear stains. “See? I’m right here, Markus. I’m here.”

Markus registered that, registered Connor and only Connor. Everything else was a hazy, messy blur, out of focus, with Connor being in the center, crisp and clear. He was kneeling down in front of the chair, one knee on the ground. 

He was there, right in front of Markus, holding on to him, touching him, and he knew that it was real, but it still—it didn’t feel like _enough_.

“Connor,” Markus said, his voice weak and breaking as he said his boyfriend’s name. His arms felt numb but he forced them to move, putting one hand on Connor’s right shoulder and the other on the left side of his neck, mirroring what Connor had done to him earlier. The skin on the RK200’s right hand peeled away, the patch of skin on Connor’s neck that Markus was touching doing the same. His throat still felt tight, breathing fairly difficult to do, but his stress levels had dropped 10% to a somewhat high 77%.

“Markus,” Connor said back, his voice so full of adoration and pure love, as he gingerly pulled Markus’ hands away from him and into the leader’s lap. The RK800 stood up and wrapped his arms around Markus, one arm around the upper part of Markus’ back and Connor’s other hand cradling Markus’ head gently and leaning him against the detective’s chassis. Markus quickly returned the gesture, pulling his arms around Connor’s middle and his fingers grabbing on to the soft and smooth material of his shirt. “I’m here, baby. Everything’s okay, I’m here. _Breathe_.”

And _this_ , this was so much better. Being so much closer to Connor, Markus leaning his head right above the RK800’s thirium pump and hearing the familiar beat of it, hearing every little mechanism whirring inside of him. Connor slowly rubbed circles into Markus’ back, right between where his shoulder blades would have been. The gesture was one of the many things Connor did that Markus was acquainted with, one of the many gestures that never failed to help Markus calm down.

The RK200 closed his eyes, tears still leaking out of them but slowing, as he tried to breathe, unconsciously attempting to follow Connor’s own steady breathing. His breaths were choppy and shuddery, but that didn’t stop Connor from whispering praise to Markus, about how good he was doing, how everything was okay, how they were both _safe_.

Markus didn’t know how long he and Connor had been like that for, holding each other in silence asides from Connor’s sweet reassurances, but after what had seemed like an eternity, Markus had finally calmed down for the most part. His eyes had dried up and his stress levels were at a safe 36%, his breathing a little more even and controlled. 

Connor went quiet for a moment as Markus felt him a soft kiss on the top of his head, causing Markus to take in another long, deep breath before exhaling it slowly and finally opening his eyes once more. He could only see Connor’s shirt, the material now stained with the RK200’s saline tears, and though Connor was one of the biggest perfectionists Markus knew, he also knew that his love had no qualms about the tear stains that would easily come out in the wash that night.

And as a few more minutes passed, Markus slowly but surely became aware of his surroundings. He was sitting in the leather chair that he had hung his coat over, the room now silent but hushed voices bleeding through the door. Connor must have told the others to give them a moment alone or maybe they had made the choice for themselves, knowing what was best for one of their closest friends.

“Markus,” Connor quietly said, the word both simply a statement and a question, most likely to test if the leader was more aware of what was going on. He hummed in response, his voice having taken no damage from his panic attack but still weak enough that the hum was nearly mute. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Markus opened his mouth to talk but no words came out. How was he supposed to tell Connor why he had had a panic attack? He would have to tell the RK800 about his nightmare, about his many nightmares that had the recurrent theme of Connor dying and it being Markus’ fault. And he knew, he just knew that he shouldn’t do that, he shouldn’t burden Connor like that and make him worry even more than he already does, put yet another weight on his shoulders and—

“I’m right here, honey,” Connor sweetly said, knowing that Markus was on the verge of spiraling again. Markus gripped on tighter to Connor as he took another deep breath. “Take your time, it’s okay. I’m here, everything’s okay now, I promise.”

But everything wasn’t okay, that was the problem. How Markus was breaking inside, shattering and about to fall apart any minute.

And he feared that once he spoke the truth, he would crumble.

“You can tell me, Markus. You can be honest with me,” Connor told him, and Markus knew without looking that Connor’s eyes had reverted to their puppy-dog mode that never ceased to fail him when he wanted something. Markus stayed silent, however, still trying to figure out if there was a way out of this whole mess where he didn’t have to tell Connor the truth.

“Please, Markus,” Connor spoke again, his voice quiet but desperate and wavering at this point. Markus’ chest squeezed at the tone of Connor’s voice, how concerned and worried he was. 

But wouldn’t Markus telling Connor the truth just make everything worse? Wouldn’t that make Connor even more worried about Markus? Wouldn’t that be the wrong decision?

“I know that…” Connor’s voice was barely above a whisper. He huffed slightly before continuing. “I know that this has to do with your nightmares.”

Markus froze at the statement, only half-surprised since he knew how clever and brilliant Connor was. Of course he would already know that this was related to Markus’ dreadful dreams.

“I know that they’re hurting you. I know that a lot of them… a lot of them involve me.” Markus felt something wet hit the top of his head as he realized that Connor was _crying_ , his chest trembling with his shaky breaths. “You talk during them, you know. You’ll call out for me and sound so… in pain and I want that to stop. I don’t want you to be hurting like this, Markus, I want to help you. But I can’t do that if you don’t tell me what’s going on. _Please_.”

If Markus had a heart, it would have been broken at merely the sounds of Connor being so upset, at his breaking voice and the feeling of his tears. He could feel his chest aching at his love being in so much distress and his thoughts swirling over what was happening. He had thought that Connor would get this upset if Markus were to tell him the truth, but instead, the silence had been what had hurt Connor.

His silence and Markus himself.

The leader finally let go of the detective, leaning back to stare up at his boyfriend’s face, tears dripping down his beautiful cheeks and a light blue blush dusted across his face, Markus’ face nearly the same. He carefully grabbed on to both of Connor’s hands and brought them up to his face, leaning against them and pressing a kiss to the center of Connor’s right palm. The RK800 right away returned the gesture, gently holding on to Markus’ face like it was the most delicate thing in the world.

“Connor, I—” Markus’ voice broke off but he refused to stop talking, to stay silent any longer. “I am so, so sorry. I didn’t—I didn’t know. I had no idea that… that you were hurting like this because of me. God, I am such an—”

Connor cut him off, leaning down and tenderly kissing Markus’ lips. The skin on the two boyfriends’ hands peeled away as they embraced, Markus closing his eyes and squeezing Connor’s palms as he leaned in to the kiss, tilting his head. He could feel his heart bursting at not only the kiss but the feelings he was receiving from Connor’s interface, all the love that Connor held for him was almost too much and all that he needed.

After a few more moments went by, the two broke off, not needing to gasp for air like humans would but still huffing from the intensity of the kiss. 

“You are,” Connor breathed out as Markus opened his eyes and stared into his handsome face.

“What?” Markus asked, puzzled.

“An idiot,” Connor said, a smirk on his face as he said what Markus had been meaning to say before Connor had interrupted him. The RK200 huffed out a laugh and shook his head, the skin slowly coming back onto the lovers’ hands. “But it’s not your fault. I understand, love, I really do.”

Markus knew that Connor was telling him the truth. He remembered what Connor had been like when they had first got together, how he would have nightmares nearly every night. And just like Markus was doing now, Connor had been so hesitant to tell Markus the truth about them, but after one particularly bad night, he opened up to Markus, and ever since then, his nightmares had been less frequent. And when he did have them or see anything in real life that made him think of them, Markus knew exactly what to do.

And as Markus thought about that, he realized just how much of a complete idiot he had truly been.

“Talk to me, Markus,” Connor pleaded, his smirk gone and replaced with a small frown. “You can tell me.”

Markus sighed and looked away from Connor’s brown eyes. “I-I know, Connor, it’s just… so hard.”

“I know,” Connor quickly echoed, squeezing Markus’ hands in reassurance. “I know, Markus.”

A beat.

Markus looked down at his and Connor’s intertwined hands. The skin on their hands had retracted, revealing the white plastic all the way up to the middle of their forearms, where a cyan blue outlined the border between the white plastic and the synthetic skin. It wasn’t on purpose, but the interface was basically habitual at this point.

Markus could feel Connor’s love and concern for him, the feelings like a burning white light in his chest, all of them so intense and overwhelming and just overall so much. And Markus knew that Connor was experiencing the same thing, feeling Markus’ love for him and most likely his fear, too, of losing Connor. Though, he refused to allow any images of the nightmares to be passed over to Connor. He wouldn’t make him see what he’s been forced to.

The RK200 opened his mouth, his soft lips parting slightly. His throat felt strained and it almost felt like his voice box was broken and nothing would come out but static.

But he couldn’t stay silent. Not anymore.

He couldn’t keep doing that to Connor.

And being open isn’t easy. It really isn’t. And Markus knew that, he knew that from ever since he deviated. Being vulnerable, even to the ones you love, especially to the ones you love, is hard. It’s like there’s something restricting you, putting a hand around your throat while pressing down on your chest, keeping you from speaking. And it's because you’re putting yourself out there, Markus would be putting himself out there. All of his fears spoken aloud would confirm them, make them _real_ , bring them to life.

Markus looked back up at Connor, his heterochromatic eyes meeting Connor’s deep brown ones, and he knew with all his heart that Connor would be there to protect Markus from those fears. 

It would be okay. Connor would be there. Markus knew that.

He knew that.

“It’s always you.”

Markus’ voice was weak and quiet, a soft rumble escaping his chest. His eyes were flashing across Connor’s face, the brunet’s eyebrows knitting slightly and his shoulders dropping a little. He wasn’t searching for anything in particular, but it’s like he couldn’t look in the same place for more than a few seconds.

“It’s always you,” Markus repeated, and this time, his voice wavered, tears filling his eyes but refusing to be shed just yet. And it’s almost like he could see Connor’s heart breaking, could see it in his eyes and his frown and how his pale hands tightened around Markus’ light olive ones. “I-I can’t lose you, Connor, I don’t—”

He was falling, _falling_ , and the tears were spilling across his face as Connor let go of his hands to grab the back of Markus’ neck and the small of his back, gently pulling the RK200 towards him. Markus leaned in to the touch, his face burrowing in the crook of Connor’s neck and his tears wetting his boyfriend’s shirt once more.

“I’m right here, Markus,” Connor said, holding on tightly to Markus as if he was going to float away any second. “I’m not going anywhere. Not ever.”

Markus took a breath, a deep one that made it feel like his chest was about to burst open from all the pressure. Connor was still talking, whispering words of love and affection and reassurance in his ear to help calm Markus down. 

“How about we go home?” Connor suddenly asked softly after a moment. “You can lie down and rest and tell me everything then.”

“But, you have work,” Markus protested, though there was no strength and his voice. He pulled back so that he could see Connor’s face, the detective’s hand moving from Markus’ neck to his hold the side of his face. “And I have to—”

“You don’t have to do anything, love,” Connor interrupted him, already knowing what he was going to say. “The others don’t mind, all they care about right now is you being okay.”

Markus took another deep breath, knowing that Connor was right. Going home would be the best option. He felt so tired after everything, he wasn’t even sure if he could talk about everything until he spent a few hours in stasis.

“Okay,” Markus conceded, nodding his head once. A small smile came up on Connor’s face as he brought his other hand up to the other side of Markus’ face and wiped away all his tears.

“I love you, Markus.”

“I love you, too, Connor,” Markus said before leaning in to kiss Connor once more before they stood up, the kiss deep and full of so much emotion that it made him light-headed.

Once they broke apart, Connor stood up first, Markus following and almost losing his balance immediately. All of the crying and panic had really exhausted him entirely. Connor immediately caught him, grabbing on to Markus' sides.

“I’ve got you, Markus, I’ve got you,” Connor said as he put an arm around Markus’ back, keeping a ginger yet tight grip on the upper side of his torso as he led him towards the door and Markus put an arm around Connor’s shoulder.

Markus knew Connor was right. Connor had him. He was there.

And as long as Connor was there, everything would be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i hope you liked it!! and if you want, come and visit me on tumblr [@mollyinthewater](https://mollyinthewater.tumblr.com) where i hyperfixate on detroit: become human and talk about it, like, all the time.
> 
> have a good day, y'all <333


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